She #4

She realized that her vacation is ending in 33 hours. This saddens her. Even though nothing much happened in her life for the past month, she was contented and happy. She might have complained a lot for being unproductive and lazy, but she just had to admit, she liked it. She liked bumming around. Eating only when she feels like it. Taking a shower when she can't take the stink anymore. Waking up or getting up whenever she likes. She kinda got used to this routine already. And it sucks that this vacation is ending.

Earlier today, she got an email from the employer where she did the product description challenge for. She didn't get the job. She just shrugged. She didn't care actually. Enough of the part time home based jobs, she thought. She decided she's going to look for jobs that she really wants. Like event planning and organizing. She actually found a good one yesterday. She felt really drawn to this company. So she fixed her CV and emailed it. Her fingers were crossed for this one. She thought that it's okay if her other wishes don't come true. Just this one, she thought. She prayed out loud. Please let me get this one, please, she said.

She felt like she isn't good enough for that company. Maybe she isn't hip enough. Or pretty enough. Maybe she doesn't have enough experiences. Or awards. Or skills. She felt bad that she feels like this about herself. She looked in the mirror and tried giving herself compliments. You are smart. You are energetic. You are funny. It kind of worked. She stopped thinking about rejection.

She's back to watching Girls again. It's that episode which she hates the most. It's the one where Hannah sleeps with Joshua, the doctor. She never liked this one. Too intimate for her. She watched it anyway. And she felt bad afterwards. She had to watch the next episode to shake off the uncomfortable feeling that she suddenly got. That next one is where Ezra Koenig had an appearance. She decided to listen to Vampire Weekend as the episode ended.

She still hates that her laptop's hard drive crashed a month ago. All of her music were gone. Now, she had to re-download a discography of Vampire Weekend. She cringes when she thinks about the number of songs that were victimized of that unfortunate hard drive crash. As if she can do anything about that now. She chose to listen to the latest album of the band. She really likes the song Hannah Hunt. She thought that this one should be used in the next season of Girls.

She checked her queued blog entries. She had to edit one but her browser is too slow. She felt so frustrated. She kept on hitting refresh but nothing happens. Alright whatever. She can edit it later, she thought. It's past 4pm now. Time is really moving quickly lately, she thought. She has to catch up, she thought. She closed her browsers, turned up Vampire Weekend, and started writing.